Last week I wrote about the phrase “we are the things we have lost” and I believe there’s more to uncover here. As examined last week, it seems that we carry memories and the spirit of those who have left this world and we carry the changes and lessons from relationships that have past.

We must become all we have lost through authentic and painful awareness not through intentional ignorance

This week let’s explore how our memories, experiences and life affect who we are. In a sense, every moment leading up to this moment now is lost, never to return again however in another sense these moments are immortal. This phrase “we are the things we have lost” has a very paradoxical nature in that the things we have lost are gone but live on in us. We have all had complicated pasts; pleasant memories, emotional memories, traumatic memories, painful memories, loving memories, faded memories, the latter of which fade due to their insignificance, the rest leave their marks like scars, the painful ones, deeper and more consequential.

It is sobering to realize that many of the personality traits we have come to believe are us, and perhaps even take pride in, actually bear the scars of where we lost connection to ourselves, way back when - Gabor Maté (1)

How can we reconcile ourselves so that we continually put out best foot forward? It would seem that we should elevate our best traits, our most pleasant memories and our better natures and diminish our worst traits, traumatic memories and unpleasant natures. However, by doing this we implement an intention of perfection. We ignore what lurks beneath us, we ignore our Jungian shadows. We put our masks on and play a part. In order to truly put our best foot forward, we mustn’t aim for perfection but authenticity. We mustn’t punish ourselves for our pasts and for the inevitable mistakes we are yet to make. We must become whole by acknowledging our shadows, our memories, both pleasant and unpleasant and our imperfections. We must become all we have lost through authentic and painful awareness not through intentional ignorance. We are where we have been, what we have done and what we have experienced, so we might as well accept it all rather than live a lie.

Keep On Struggling,

Gregor

Quote to Ponder

Hold tight, focus the effort, dig deeper, and never sive up. It isn't rocket science but it is hard, as most people, when it gets tough, start to look around for an excuse or a different tactic. Often, though, when it starts to get tough, all it requires is for you to get tougher and hold on. The magic bit is that when it gets like this, it often means you are near the end goal! One big heave of focus, dedication, and grit, and you often pop out the other end. Look around you, though, and you see that most people are gone-they gave up in that final bit of hurting - Bear Grylls

References

1) The Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté

2) Image Credit - RawPixel