The Geniuses Behind the Genius

When Trump was elected last year (it feels like a decade ago but it truly has only been one year), I was surprised at how unsurprised I was. Looking back now, it makes sense considering the current affairs and division of politics at the moment, globally.

Both sides constantly make me consider taking on a more centrist political view. Every time Trump’s senior policy advisor, Stephen Miller, opens his mouth I have to close mine to stop the vomit coming out. But on the other hand, every time the cult of outrage that is the left stirs up something new claiming its progressivism, I have to actually open my mouth before I choke on my own vomit.

Anyway, I’m starting to believe that picking sides doesn’t benefit the majority of the people. Society gets far too caught up in the left vs right debate nowadays. There’s an increasing danger of people saying certain things that might be considered offensive or too right wing, which is causing freedom of speech to die out – all because of the newly emerging left wing…

As I was saying, Trump as president isn’t particularly shocking to me, just as his constant barrage of on-the-toilet tweets don’t surprise me. I enjoy the theory that the anger of his tweets is down to the amount of sugar and salt he eats and it just bursts out of his tiny, little thumbs in a fit of rage.

People tend to get far too angry at Trump when we really should be angry at the people pulling the strings behind him. We all know Trump is an abomination or as the denture wearing satsuma himself would put it, a ‘genius.’ He is just the image that America want to see in the Oval Office. After all, the majority of the US did vote for the anti-establishment, politically incorrect, misogynistic and xenophobic wrinkled, deteriorated lunatic. The American people want it to seem like he’s the “People’s President” but really, the support team standing behind him cringing at everything he says are the ones calling the majority of the shots.

Stephen Miller is a prime example as he is the ‘mastermind’ behind the Muslim ban. I just do not understand why Trump wants to stop all these immigrants from entering the US. They are literally just people who were in one place and now want to be somewhere else on this earth (before we are all engulfed in water or fire, whichever comes first).

Don’t focus all of your anger and frustration at Trump. Be sure to pointlessly rage at his team who are giving permanent tax cuts to the wealthy corporations, dismantling Obamacare despite repeated failed attempts to repeal it and giving ridiculous WWE style nicknames to other authoritarian leaders. Oh wait, that’s just Trump. Cue Elton John’s “Rocket Man.”

So, all of you Americans fearing for the dystopian calm before the storm that is the end of the world, remember Trump is just America’s broken arm. Once the doctor cracks it back into place, we can all reunite undivided – that’s if you have the money to pay for medical bills after Obamacare is nothing but a much-missed legacy. After Trump inevitably goes too far (believe it or not, I don’t think he’s at his limit yet), America will hopefully unite against a common enemy and elect a more qualified candidate, like The Rock or Oprah.

Oh god, please learn from your mistakes America.